Pressing Restart

When I started this blog, I thought it was going to be the escape for one of the hardest things I could have imagined going through; I believed it would be my escape. I was wrong.

The truth is that I had hoped that in my writing I would heal, I would speak about all the moments that made me strong and then all the moments that broke me down and that I would miraculously not be sad, not feel the pain. Somehow, in reading so many other blogs, books and inspirational stories I had come to believe that you gain strength by sharing as much as possible, by seeming strong to the world because after all, haven’t we all heard ‘fake it till you make it?’ I thought I would fake it. Fake that I was fine, fake that it all would be fine, fake that I was healing through the writing.

Well, it may work like that for some people; it sure didn’t work out like that for me. Soon after writing my first couple of blogs in summer of 2018 I realized that while I was pouring my soul out on the words I had written – all very honest and very true words – my healing belonged to me. My healing belonged to the moments that I stared into the sunsets of my empty apartment wondering what was next, it belonged to the trips I would take to heal the wounds and to rediscover myself, it belonged to my dreams of the future and the memories of the past, it belonged to the forever friendships I would forge during this transition period, my healing was mine.

And I guess that is the funny thing about healing emotionally. It is personal and it is raw, and it is absolutely different for me than what it will be for everyone else. I now think back and I can say that while I had so much social media to support a form of healing, it was also probably the social media which made me think that my healing had a definite process and how I imagined it was the way that it should have happened. Then I sit back and I wonder how so many people have go through moments of trauma and crisis requiring healing [call that a divorce, a breakup, the loss of a loved one, the unattained business venture success we hoped for, or whatever else] and how many people probably feel even at greater despair because they are not healing at the ‘speed’ that we think it should happen or through the methods we thought should have worked for us.

The real truth of our healing, in my opinion, begins when we stop comparing ourselves to a method, a process, or someone else. We are humans after all and as humans we all have our own stories to write, our own paths to walk and an anatomy that makes us trigger to things different from others. Comparing ourselves to others could possibly be one of the harshest things we can do as humans. We all do it. I do it all the time, but now I catch myself knowing that whatever is in my path and whatever anyone else’s journey is must be different than mine by default. I cannot possibly feel what someone else feels because even the single most simple thing to me might have been a big thing in that other person’s journey. And obviously, every single moment of our lives, whether we recognize it or not, has shaped us to be, feel, and think completely different from everyone else. Have you ever wondered how come you can’t be as successful as someone else? As lucky in love as someone else? As good a salesperson as someone else? Or whatever. All we are doing by thinking in this way is digging a hole much deeper for ourselves and for our own healing. What’s not to say that those people you are comparing yourself to are not wondering the same about themselves but in comparison to someone else – or even you?

Our comparison to others, in every form, is possibly an inevitable thing. There’s even a psychology theory called ‘The Social Comparison Theory,’ which was first proposed in 1954. It explains that we all have an innate drive to evaluate ourselves in comparison to others. Funny thing is that in 1954 there was no Instagram and Facebook that made this even much more prevalent. Our society has given us the tools to compare ourselves, upwards and downwards as suggested by psychologists, in every aspect of life. From our looks, to what we have, the relationships we hold and even how fast we heal.

So, what is the best method to heal? Well, if all the above is at least somewhat true then I would say that healing is a very inward thing. No one can do it for us, no matter how hard they try for us and no one’s journey will lead you to the same results.

Two years have passed since those first couple of blogs. I have learned so much about myself since, I have grown so much, and I have so many stories to tell, stories of inspiration but not of comparison. So, here’s a quick recap of two years: I had a dream, I made it come true. I changed continents. I started a kick ass job eventhough I already had a great job to begin with. I celebrated my own 35th birthday in exactly the way I had imagined in the middle of the Mediterranean ocean (quite literally). I found a fantastic woman mentor who pushes me to color outside the lines every day. I lost one of my greatest mentors and friends. I found peace in being alone; even when at one point I feared the quiet. I found exactly the kind of friends that I had always wished for (Sex & The City Style!). I woke up.

How did it all happen? I believed and I went within. I shared my story only when I felt it was needed, I did the work. I learned that being strong is sometimes being weak and allowing that to be 100% ok. It was also being weak but showing strength when I needed it, and that too was ok – this was what mostly everyone saw. I had my own little moments of downfall and doubt, and that too was ok. I went to the gym for my most favorite way to release pain, and I went to yoga and cried. I also went to yoga and felt strong. I found the most support from my family and best friends. My dad surprised me by his genuine fatherly love while he had always been a strong alpha male, he broke any and all barriers that had ever lived between us. My mom was my greatest supporter at every step, even when that meant I would move 4386 miles away from home just to be happy. So many things surprised me – so many things I could have never imaged in my life happened. I believed. I achieved. More on all these little stories later on.

So no, I’m not here to just share my story, although that’s what I’ll do. I’m here to tell you that you can change the course of whatever is happening in your life that you want to change. And that you too will heal. The scar will forever be there, but you will heal. And from your pain (whatever that is) you can find strength of to create and achieve the dreams that everyone tells you are unattainable.

Let’s fast forward and imagine exactly where you want to be, how you want to be, with whom you want to be. I’m still working on all of those, but they sure got me from Florida to London to start a fresh new life – to write a brand-new chapter of my life! How many people can actually say that?! I still pinch myself! If I conquered it – the physical and the emotional, so can you.

Taking the quiet but steady path, led to my restart. What does your restart look like?
#hamilton #london #restart #me